D&D for the Real People

I think it would be really cool if there was a site that allowed you to build yourself out as a D&D Character. The site would test your Asteroids skills to give you a Dexterity score, Check how many people are following you on Twitter for your Charisma, IQ test for Intelligence, and Typing test for Speed.

Then you could battle your way through a virtual quest, testing your dice rolling skills until ultimate Death by Level 3 Cave Troll.

Total Gameplay time: 0.093 nanoseconds.
Total bragging rights for reaching Level 4 Human: 10x Multiplyer ( but only by the Chair Ridden Hairless Gamer in the cube to your left who goes by the calling, Diety Coke ).

Hey Lady in the Silver Ford Tempo

Hey Lady in the Silver Ford Tempo, I see you trying to text while driving. You can't fool me with that unmistakable posture, left hand on the wheel while you stare deeply into your lap.

I am not by any means going to tell you it is safe to text while driving. My own experience has taught me so. But, look, if you are going to do it anyway, there are ways to do it where you could probably avoid an accident most of the time and there are ways to do it that are downright stupid and will get you hurt.

So, Lady in the Silver Ford Tempo, staring into your lap while driving is not safe. Read the driver's manual again where it says keep your eyes on the road.

When I text while driving ( yes, I do it too. nobody is perfect, especially me ), I hold the phone on top of my steering wheel so I can see the road ahead while I briefly glance at the screen to find tiny letters on the buttons. My eyes are always forward, and although partially distracted by the cute catch phrase I am trying to type out, still able to see the brakelights of the Dodge dually in front of me.

End of Rhetoric.

Bring Back American Wealth

The 40-year mortgage is destroying American wealth. America went from 90% home ownership at the beginning of the 20th Century to less than 10% at the end. And it is only getting worse. The 40-year mortgage was a way to jack up the price of homes to make it easier for lower income people to pay more money for a house. Let me say that again, "The 40 year loan was a way to jack up the price of homes to make it easier for lower income people to pay more money for a house." The problem is, no one ever pays one off. Sometimes, you get lucky and sell it for more than you owe and make a profit and at the same time buy another house below market value so you can actually come out a few years ahead. That is not, however, the typical situation. Usually, people pay so much in broker's fees, bank fees, taxes, moving expenses, and etc that they never come out ahead in a housing swap. If you start buying a house when you are 30 years old, and never take out a second mortgage, you can pay it off when you are what, 70?; 5 years into retirement. Houses have gotten too darn expensive and are not a good investment, anymore. In my opinion, banks should never make loans for more than 20 years. People need to be able to pay off their loans and still have some life left. I was smart enough to buy a house cheap enough I could put it on a 20 year mortgage. Hopefully, I'll have some wealth when I get in my 50s.

Stop an Oil Gusher a Mile Underwater

I have an easy solution to plugging a deep ocean Oil Gusher:

When I worked in Landscaping Construction in Phoenix in 1999, I had to fix a lot of underground water leaks. If we couldn't turn off the water from a valve, we could use a small inflatable rubber balloon. We inserted the balloon into the pipe and connected a bottle of compressed air. The balloon would expand and stop the leak.

Doctors use very much the same technique to insert a stint into the heart of a heart patient.

Every time I see BP fail at shutting down the well, this thought comes into my mind, "How easy it would be to just feed a heavy duty balloon into the head of the pipe and expand it. "

Added bonus: the well could probably be saved. Once the leak is stopped, the pipe could be repaired.

Make Taxes Fair

Every year, I have a whole bunch of things I could write off on my taxes if I was to itemize them. But, in order to itemize, I would have to give up my standard personal deduction which usually trumps the total of my itemizations. I frequently get tricked by people telling me I can write such and such purchase off on my taxes. So, I go for it only to find out at the end of the year I won't get the deduction unless I itemize. Come on, Uncle Sam, give me a break hear. This system stinks.

Ultra Easy to Play Guitar

There is definitely a need for a guitar that is really easy to play. I would like to see one that had about 100 cellanoids on it that would make the chords for you. All you would have to do is press a button on a control, similar to the buttons on a RockBand guitar, and strum. The chords could be customized with a small pda-type screen and a midi interface. Go to a website to find the chords for your favorite songs and play away.

Super Smart Humans

I believe we are getting close the the age of Cyborgization. I'm coining that term, now. I think we will be able to:

1. Put a computer chip in our frontal lobe that records all memories and allows us to play them back.

2. Put a computer chip in our brain's communication center that will allow us to instant message or Tweet with a thought.

3. Put a computer chip in our brain that allows us to do a Google query with a thought. Never be caught without an answer again.

4. Put a chip in our brain with Google Translate so we can speak any language.

5. Put a chip in our brain with High Def video so we can play movies and games - mostly games - in our brain. There will need to be a no gaming while driving law passed for this one.